Most years, when Harry asks me what I want for Christmas, my response is a cheerful, ‘I don’t mind, handsome, as long as I get to spend it with you.’ Honestly, I’m so impatient that if I want something, I will go out and buy it myself… and really, I don’t want to have to tell my husband what to buy me. I want him to be romantic and imaginative and guess himself, so that I can passive aggressively stew over his terrible choices for the whole of the festive period (this really is my favourite gift as a wife). But this year, I have a very specific Christmas list that I would like to reprint here, more as an ask to the universe than my husband. And I wonder: how many of these things are on your list, too?
- No more use of the adjective ‘unprecedented’. This has been going on long enough that it is now… well, precedented, I suppose.
- To be able to go to someone’s house for a cup of tea without a) having to move to the Isles of Scilly or b) feeling like a criminal.
- More episodes of Schitt’s Creek on Netflix.
- More Daisy May Cooper on Instagram.
- More Daisy May Cooper, generally.
- A mask that I can actually breathe through that doesn’t also give me spots.
- Failing that, some of those star- shaped stickers you put on your face to zap spots. HOW HAS IT TAKEN UNTIL I AM 40 YEARS OLD FOR SOMEONE TO INVENT STAR STICKERS THAT ZAP SPOTS?
- To be able to buy a healthy soft drink that isn’t ‘CBD-infused’. Vomit.
- Chief medical officer Chris Whitty on Strictly Come Dancing. He looks like he could do with some cheering up, doesn’t he?
- Some training so I remember how to interact with humans face to face, in work meetings. I fear I might forget to ‘mute’ myself IRL.
- Speaking of which, I would like to be able to end my Zoom subscription.
- A clear inbox. Ho, ho, ho.
- To be able to go on a ‘date night’ that doesn’t involve my sofa, some Deliveroo and five episodes of Below Deck.
- To never, ever, ever have to do any homeschooling ever again.
- A sausage dog.
- To be able to do a handstand. And possibly a cartwheel.
- For my child to sleep through the night in her own bed (but this is another column entirely).
- To travel further than the supermarket. Possibly to the Wilderness Reserve in Suffolk, which has the most drool-worthy Instagram account ever.
- To stop drooling over things on Instagram. Or caring about Instagram, especially when I realise I lose followers every time I post.
- Kamala Harris on my podcast.
- To be able to finally run the London Marathon I was supposed to run in April.
- To run it in less time than it takes to travel to New York.
- I don’t think any of this is too much to ask, do you?
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