A Dominatrix on Why BDSM Business Is Booming During Trump and COVID

From a neurobiological perspective, BDSM can provide cathartic release “characterized by activation of the sympathetic nervous system, the release of epinephrine and endorphins, and a subsequent period of non-verbal, deep relaxation.” That is to say, by engaging in psychological domination (humiliation, manipulation, control), physical domination (pain, restraint, endurance) or some combination of the two, your brain releases chemicals that create a relaxing effect for your body and mind. Even those who have never considered exploring BDSM have certainly experienced the same principals by engaging in conventionally acceptable masochistic acts. For instance, watching The Notebook or listening to a sad Taylor Swift song after a breakup can somehow make you feel a little better afterwards. Likewise, people enjoy dolloping habanero hot sauce all over their food to make their lips burn and eyes tear up.

But if chemistry doesn’t get you hot and bothered, we can look at it from a psychological perspective too. As adults, we have responsibilities—roles we must fulfill in our workspace, at home, and in the eyes of the public. We have to keep our psychic armor on and stay strong for those around us who may rely on our confidence in order to hang onto their own. But that can be quite taxing. How does one deal with the mental burden? Some may try to talk themselves out of it, get over it, or simply suppress it. Some may try to drink it away or binge on the golden age of TV. Others will play video games in their underwear, completing tasks for rewards. A dominant/submissive dynamic can function similarly though you might lose the undies. This could be an escape, or it can serve as a therapeutic space in which to confront and manage your fears, like exposure therapy. In choosing to submit to someone you can trust, you get to face your worst nightmares––the weakling, the failure, the “not enough.” Oh God––what would people think of me if they saw me like this? Would they still have respect for me? See my strengths? In this safe space created by the dominant, you get to be that person and then emerge from it, still you.

When someone experiences chaos and has to wrangle it in their day-to-day life, they often seek release in the form of a loss of control. Well, we are living in extraordinarily chaotic times— times that threaten us and those we love, demanding a level of self-control that drains the mind. It should come as no surprise, then, that those who enjoy exploring their psychological world through sexual powerplay have been given an awful lot to work with.

The big shift I’ve seen since the pandemic has been from in-person sessions to online domination—for obvious reasons. Friends and colleagues are shifting to producing their own scenes from home (e.g. Vixen Media Group’s new “Intimates” series) and business is booming (all of which only serves to underscore how the oft-caricatured image of BDSM as just being about whips and chains misses out on the psychological depths of the games being played). For my part, I share my femdom-inspired photography and shorts on Patreon, but since the lockdown, I’ve also begun offering tasks and assignments that submissives can do from home. Recently, I released a short film in collaboration with the acclaimed director Kayden Kross titled “Interview,” offering a closer look at the psychological side of human sexuality.