The Cringiest Moments From the Trump RNC’s Bizarro Roll Call Vote

President Donald Trump loudly complained on Monday—via both Twitter and in the first of his many Republican National Convention speeches—that cable-news networks didn’t cover the RNC’s roll call that featured the GOP officially nominating him for a second term.

We have to agree with the president. The networks absolutely should’ve turned their attention to the 2020 RNC roll call, because it featured some true, uncut, bound-for-virality gems that underscore just how ramshackle and low-rent the event’s production is expected to be.

In comparison to the Democrats’ slickly produced roll call, which featured prominently during the second night of the Democratic National Convention, the Republicans offered up their largely symbolic moment early during the first day of the RNC. 

In the age of COVID-19, the mostly virtual DNC was at times criticized for being akin to a Zoom conference call. At the same time, however, the convention’s roll-call vote was widely praised due to the delegates delivering their votes directly from the states. Featuring scenic vistas, charming allusions to local flair, and just plain old goofy or fun moments, the DNC’s procedural vote felt like a tour of the entire United States.

The Republicans, meanwhile, had 336 delegates—six from each state—travel to the Charlotte Convention Center for the state-by-state roll call. Given roughly a minute apiece to speak, the featured delegates delivered their speeches in front of a drab background emblazoned with #RNC2020. Apparently, with much of the convention’s nightly activity taking place in D.C., party bosses wanted some official business to take place in the Charlotte—the original home of the 2020 RNC. 

Following the official nomination of Trump by the party, the president made an appearance in Charlotte to deliver a rambling acceptance address that was largely indistinguishable from any number of his rally speeches or off-the-cuff press availabilities. Despite the roll call largely getting shunted by the networks, Trump’s remarks were broadcast across the spectrum.

Therefore, for those who didn’t tune into C-SPAN or catch these amazing moments online, below are some of the greatest hits from the RNC’s roll-call vote.

‘Spicy Votes’ From The Nutmeg State

Delivering the votes for the state of Connecticut was Leora Levy, the state’s GOP national committeewoman. Levy, a Cuban-American businesswoman who has been nominated by Trump to be the United States Ambassador to Chile, exclaimed that “as a proud and independent Nutmegger, I proudly cast 28 spicy votes for President Donald J. Trump and American greatness.”

Interestingly, while Levy is now fully onboard the MAGA train, she supported former Florida Gov. Jeb Bush during the 2016 GOP presidential primary, calling Trump at the time “vulgar, ill-mannered and disparages those whom he cannot intimidate.”

‘Greatest Segregationists, Uhh, Abolitionists’

David Bossie, a former Trump deputy campaign manager and longtime Citizens United president, made quite the Freudian slip when he delivered Maryland’s delegate votes. Boasting about the state’s storied history, Bossie attempted to honor two of Maryland’s greatest slave fighters before getting tongue-tied in the worst possible way.

“Maryland is America in miniature,” he said. “Is home of the Underground Railroad. And two of our greatest segregationist, uhhh, abolitionists—Frederick Douglass and Harriet Tubman.”

Yikes.

Bossie’s flub recalls another unfortunate turn of phrase by the Trump ally. During a contentious Fox News panel debate in June 2018, Bossie yelled that Black guest Joel Payne was “out of his cotton-picking mind.” Bossie, who was a Fox News contributor at the time, was suspended by the network for two weeks over the remarks, which Fox called “deeply offensive.”

No, MY State Loves Trump the Most!

Competition among the delegates for Trump’s love was fierce on Monday, amid a convention that opted to make its 2020 platform a pledge of undying loyalty to the president. While casting all 50 of Alabama’s state delegates for Trump, Alabama State Rep. Andrew Sorrell made sure Trump knew that despite the president’s flagging poll numbers nationwide, the Crimson Tide had his back.

“I am Representative Andrew Sorrell, chairman of the delegation from the Yellowhammer State, the state with the highest approval rating in the country for Donald Trump,” he proudly exclaimed, playing directly into the president’s love of sycophancy.

‘Donald John President’

Bob Paduchik, former RNC co-chair and current Trump campaign senior advisor, let his nerves get the best of him as he delivered Ohio’s delegates to Trump. 

“I am Bob Paduchik, son of Anthony and Judy Paduchik, and I cast Ohio’s 82 votes for Donald John President—urrr, Donald John Trump,” the nervous Republican official uttered, attempting to laugh it off at the end.

Biden ‘Hiding in the Dark,’ Waiting to Kill ‘Unborn Babies’

When delegates weren’t trying to outdo each other in their Trump sycophancy, they were also portraying an extremely dark vision of Democrats and their candidate, former Vice President Joe Biden.

Casting Louisiana’s votes for Trump, national committeeman Ross Little Jr. warned that Biden would murder “unborn babies” if elected.

“Louisiana, also the home of thousands of hunters across our state, where Joe Biden would threaten with taking away guns and ammo,” he grumbled. “Louisiana is a pro-life state where we love both mother and child, but where Joe Biden is hiding in the dark waiting to take the lives of our unborn babies.”

Multiple Plugs for a Pro-Trump Pillow Company

Fresh off promoting an unproven and potentially dangerous coronavirus “miracle cure,” MyPillow founder and CEO Mike Lindell popped up at the RNC to serve as Minnesota’s chief delegate.

Lindell, who has become a conservative celebrity due to his ubiquitous Fox News ads and over-the-top Trump adulation, touted a fringe poll during his speech to claim the president is now even in Minnesota.

While Lindell didn’t use his time to brag about “the most comfortable pillow you’ll ever own,” another state’s chairman did.

Just before casting South Carolina’s 50 delegates for Trump, Gov. Henry McMaster happily declared that both he and his wife “are proud owners of two of Mike Lindell’s pillows.”

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